© 2014 by Raymond Alexander Kukkee
Cake Commemorating War of 1812 and burning of the White House
Headline: August 24th 1814.
The White House goes up in flames. Who did it? You got it, the British. You know, wannabe Canadians. Close to the end of the war of 1812. You know, that one.
Headline: Aug. 24, 2014.
Brits chuckle and wink, bake a cake and share the good news on Twitter, commemorating the occasion. ( a.k.a. remembering the good times had by all out in the colonies in the good old days.)
Headline: Yanks Not Amused when Britain Tweets Fire
Backfire? Let’s check out
paraphrase what really happened.
Britain tweets fire…..“Guess what, chaps, it’s the 200th anniversary of the big marshmallow roast and campfire at the Whitehouse. We made a cake and everything, wanna’ party?”
“We don’t like that” the Americans reply huffily. Very huffily. Extra Huffily.
“Oops..sorry, old chaps, tut-tut, we can’t help it if there was no barbeque set out on the front lawn. C’mon, we had to have the roast somewhere, we dressed up nice and had a parade down Pennsylvania Ave. and everything, and your President Madison saw fit to be out to lunch. What did ‘ya expect? The White House caught fire in the process…..er….. you didn’t really mind, did you?”
“We don’t like that” Americans reply extra-extra huffily, ‘it upsets our perfect record of invasions and war and stuff ”
“er….I say, old chaps, pip-pip, I say, don’t get your stars and stripes shorts twisted too tightly, it’s only a cake, quite innocent, I say, offered in glad tidings, you know….care for a cup of tea instead?”
The tweet reminding Americans of an international parade down Pennsylvania Avenue and the burn-the-Whitehouse incident stirs the ancient three-legged campfire pot. The rising cloud of ashes and dust from 200 years ago upsets Yanks and threatens international flights worse than ash from Iceland’s biggest volcano.
Who would have guessed that old history dredged up from two hundred years ago would upset folks? Hot topics like Brits (a.k.a. wannabe Canadians) marching down Pennsylvania Avenue pleased as punch, all dressed nicely in red jackets and wanting to party, —but no President Madison there to welcome them? How cool is that for history between friends?
“We don’t like that.” the Yanks say, even extra-more huffily if that is possible, —and looking from left to right, bristling from collective heat rash.
As Canadians we say, well, go figure. No sense of humor at all.
Some would say it was just payback for the Americans trying to annex Upper Canada. Take that. ‘Serves ‘ya right for attacking and sacking
Toronto York. The uninformed would say “‘ya mean we did that?”
Britain tweets fire and chuckles because the old
boys from the Pip-Pipper’s club not only burned the Whitehouse, but occupied the capital too, and it seems by the sour response to that mischievously good-natured tweet and offering of cake, should have just kept it too. There, that oughta’ do it. Pip-pip....
No matter. In hindsight, what else would Canadians do? Party hardy. Light a campfire. Make the best of it. In the middle of the White House floor…. Well, okay. Use some nice dry furniture for firewood since it was probably raining outside?
……Well, um…okay, perhaps it wasn’t really necessary to burn the furniture.
We can’t help it. We party hardy. We’re Canadians.
psssst… notice the flags are on the same cake?
Is that Incoming I hear?
Photo: Courtesy British Embassy Ukin USA